madame_harker | 62. Entry

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62. Entry

I really cannot fathom why the City must make everything awkward. It seems like anytime I feel a moment of relief or am the least bit happy...something blows up in my face.

...I really was glad to see Skinner again...but then that ignorant curse had to affect us and bollocks everything up. It certainly does not help that I could see him as more than a friend. Why am I even saying these things aloud?

...Oh grand. Another curse.

[ooc; I may have to backdate but I really wanted her to be affected. If prodded she will spill all kinds of things. So Skinner, Dorian and even Alucard could get some truths out of her today. XD Please be evil. <3 ]

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Oh really, Mina? Do tell me more.

But of course the vulture swoops in. Why do I still find you attractive? Honestly, I must have poor judgement.

Or excellent taste. You cannot tell me you do not remember some of our old times fondly.

Your ego does not need the stroking obviously. Fond memories of the past we once shared is not the problem. Your continuous selfish is however. I seem to attract men that will only hurt me in the long run.

I truly must be just that gullible to be taken in not only by you, but by the Count as well.

And now you turn your attentions to Skinner, a man transparent in all ways.

At least he is forthright with his nature, which is more than I can say for you and the Count.

...This damnable curse.

Yet you are drawn to the men with mysteries more often than not, as your history shows.

May your dalliance bring you joy for as long as it can. In the end, his coarseness will not compliment your more refined nature.

Yes, I seem to make poor judgements quite easily at times. Perhaps that is why that alternative version of me felt the need to run off with Professor Van Helsing. Though that one still confuses me, clearly the man was insane even if he was brilliant.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. I said I could see Skinner as more than a friend but I am not so readily to jump into any sort of relationship...especially after all that happened with Jonathan while he was here.

Do tell me more. Did you find reconciliation with your mad spouse?

He was not mad! Though he certainly had poorer judgement than I to serve a madman.

You could be a gentleman and stop prying you realize. Of course I know asking you to have a heart is laughable. If I were more the monster the Count intended for me to become, things would be easier.

Like husband like wife, hm? Was he duped or willing?

I have a heart, Mina. You simply do not understand its workings.

In his case it seemed to be a bit of both. His reason was clouded. Admittedly though he was certainly in far better shape physically, than the Jonathan from home...

Right, whatever lies will get you through the centuries. Looking at you and then looking at the Count...it makes me ponder what I shall become as time goes on. I sit and wonder how long I can hold on to my human morality...to my sanity.

And that appealed to you.

Mina, does it help you to think my entire life is nothing but lies? Can you not believe that some of the Dorian you knew was real? Not just the selfish man you left, but the man who charmed you through many a night?

I'm not immune to good looks and the physically fit. As you are well aware.

Dorian, you spun so many lies, that is near impossible to to tell where the truth begins and the lies end. If I am misunderstanding you, it is your fault not mine.

There's no need for flattery between us.

Can one pretend to something one has not felt?

[ooc: lol In response to his question, the Wilde canon answer is absolutely yes. He destroyed his first love because she could pretend to love better as an actress before she experienced true love of him.]

I would not be 'flattering' you if this curse would let me keep my mouth shut!

You are going to ask me that after I have had to deal with you and the Count? You two are some of the biggest actors I know. Shakespeare's plays would have benefited from your skills.

For a fleeting moment I was fooled into thinking you possibly cared, but that was then. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I shall not be fooled again. Physical attraction is certainly not enough for me to allow myself to get burned again.

As I recall, Mina, you left me. Then you returned when it was convenient to use me for your needs.

Oh no, don't bother drawing the woman's blade of your tongue there. We both know that you were just as willing to exploit me as I you. You are no blameless innocent because you can hide behind the motives of the pure.

Edited 2008-03-11 17:48 (UTC)

Did you give me any reason to stay?

Despite what you may think of me, Dorian. I do not dally around with just anybody. If it had been left solely up to me, I would have never darkened your doorstep again. My own curiosity got the better of me, when M asked me to speak with you.

I am selfish, remember? You wanted to leave and I let you go. Was that not what you wanted? Should I have chased you down in the street, tears painting my face with the agony of your loss?

I am not that man.

Your curiosity and the desire to see me again. You know what we once had, and if we have it no longer, that is your choice.

Confounded Dorian I loved you, and you broke my heart. Of course I plan to keep you at arms length! I am tired of loving men who are incapable of loving me in return. Either I am a possession or a conquest. It would be nice to be merely a woman, instead of a prize. Is that so hard for you to understand?

[ooc; Sorry for the backdated comment. ^^;]

And I loved you with all the heart that I have, but we are not meant to be together, it seems.

Or are we? We are together once more, after all. How are we to know?

[ooc: Considering when I'm finally getting to answering? Nothing to be sorry for. ♥]

You only say that because you have no memory of the fact that I killed you.

No, Dorian I sought out second chances with my husband and that literally blew up in my face. I do not have it in me to try again.

[ooc; ^^; Ah the joys of work and sleep. XD]

Did you just say what I think you just said?

Oh wonderful, now things can be even more awkward. Why can't I seem to keep my bloody mouth?

I think you hit the nail on the head with that curse business.

You really think it'll be awkward? What, you ashamed of your feelings here, darling?

Skinner. I have failed in all my romantic relationships. I really cannot bring myself to start another. Especially in this world.

I really do not think I am fit to be with anyone, after looking at all the men in my past.

Well then. I suppose I'll have to take you at your word. As you obviously aren't obfuscating anything at the moment.

I really am sorry.

Not like I can argue with the points you're making. A fellow knows when to back off. Especially when a woman is at her most vulnerable.

He's not that bad.

Are you speaking of Skinner?

[ooc; D= Work got me. So backdated commenting?]

Yes, of him.

[ooc; No problem and okay!]

Skinner is a decent fellow. However I seem to have bad luck with it comes to relationships.

Neither am I, but sometimes you have to give it a try, don't you?

Therein lies the problem I have tried and failed several times now. I do not have me at this time to try again.

My first experience wasn't good either. I know what heartbreak is, but dying alone or being alone is even worse.

One becomes jaded after having every relationship go sour. I honestly do not think I am ready to start another relationship, so soon after my last failed relationship.

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62. Entry

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[[backdated, I lose at keeping track, so sorry]]

It's okay. <3

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